The Rending of a Recall: The Money (Part 2)

If you want to know what a bunch of very online Miami Beach fans think of Lincoln Road, simply peruse “What happened to Lincoln Road? Will it ever be Great Again?” on Reddit. You’ll find scores of comments like this one:

For the record, I couldn’t care less about Lincoln Road. To me, all of Miami Beach is a malodorous hellscape whose best feature is the outbound side of MacArthur Causeway. In fact, I would say that Miami Beach is the strongest argument for sea-level rise.

No offense. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nevertheless, Lincoln Road does serve as a cautionary tale. Because if Miami Beach is a hellscape, its signature commercial thoroughfare is a Bittelscape—a soulless stretch of concrete and glass and corporatized banality (“genericism” should be a word, for what it’s worth), and the proud legacy of Stephen Bittel’s Terranova, who is said to be the largest property owner on the strip. Formerly charming and distinct, it has come to be dominated by the likes of Nike, Apple, the Gap, Urban Outfitters, American Eagle, H&M, Guess, Cheesecake Factory, etc. As a commenter on Reddit put it, it has everything you can find in a mall in Omaha. Needless to say, Lincoln Road is the stuff of nightmares for anyone who has ever used the word “developer” as a pejorative.

Why is this cautionary tale important to residents of Coral Gables? Well, because just like Lincoln Road, the largest property owner on Miracle Mile is none other than Terranova.

The Lincoln Mile

So, what are the odds that the great visionary Bittel—the self-described opportunistic investor—has transformational aspirations for Miracle Mile? I don’t know, you tell me. Below are two of Terranova’s most recent proposals. First, there’s the “hotel with no parking,” a proposed nine-story, 120-unit hotel that Bittel wanted to, um, erect at the old Starbucks location on Miracle Mile:

The abundant glazing is designed to improve interior lighting while facilitating peeping and leering.

Then there’s whatever this puzzling pile of Tetris blocks is supposed to be, which is what Bittel wants to build at 93 Miracle Mile, the old Navarro site:

Aesthetic objections aside, neither project necessarily gels with the Mile. They’re much larger and denser than the existing structures they’d be replacing. The hotel, at a monstrous nine stories, would have required the use of a city-owned back alley. It also relied on a large transfer of development rights, or TDR. And the Tetris project? For it, Bittel needed Miracle Mile to be upzoned, which is exactly what he got in 2021. Oh, and before you take me to task for the technical accuracy of the term “upzone,” just know that I borrowed it from your Gables Insider, who has never been wrong about anything (emphasis mine):

Before we get to the upzoning, we should all take a moment to celebrate the fact that the hotel supposedly died due to a lack of support. I’m sure that was a real bee in Lago’s bonnet, given how much he loves developers. Per the Miami Herald (emphasis mine):

Oh, I see. So Lago voted against the TDR for Bittel’s hotel. Ok, but that was probably political sleight of hand. He probably voted against the TDR, which he knew would pass anyway, in order to provide cover for his giving mega-developer Steve Bittel his much bigger prize—the Miracle Mile upzoning. Right, Gables Insider? (emphasis mine)

Wait, this can’t be right. You mean to tell me Lago was the only member of the commission who voted against it? I don’t know what to say. If memory serves, Lago voted against Gables Station, against the Andalusia Parking Garage, and against the Plaza’s height increase. He led the fight against the county with regard to the metro rail project at the Douglas Station, opposed FPL over the power poles along the US1 corridor, and rejected Kirk’s MX2.5 upzone proposal. That’s an awful lot of subterfuge. When, exactly, is the shoe going to drop? Because, let me tell you, I’ve been waiting for quite some time:

Remember those? Those were just a few of the many hit pieces lobbed at Lago during his first mayoral campaign back in 2021, which is weird, because people keep telling me that our elections were quaint and pristine up until Lago’s preferred candidates lost to Ariel and Dr. Castro last year.

Anyway, that last one is especially interesting because Lago’s opponent in that race, Pat Keon, aka Stephen Bittel’s good friend, was bold enough to signal-boost it herself. I wonder if there is a greater significance to that?

I know, let’s see what Elaine de Valle of Political Cortadito, who seems to be averaging one anti-Lago post every 33 minutes these days, had to say on the subject (emphasis mine):

Almost laughable. Sole voice of reason. It’s all lies. Smear campaign. Nobody is going to buy that.

What a difference a day makes.

And who did Ms. Cortadito suspect was behind the smear campaign? (emphasis mine)

Agreed, Elaine. Agreed.

Draining the moat

You have to wonder what happened between 2021 and 2022 that caused this sudden and stunning about-face from the likes of Ariel and Elaine de Valle. They seemed rather sure that Lago was the only man protecting Coral Gables from Stephen Bittel. They were certain Bittel wanted to upzone the living crap out of our downtown so he could finally initiate operation Lincoln Mile. And they knew, just knew, that Lago was the only one with the much-needed chutzpah to hold him off.

The same chutzpah you’re supposed to find so offensive now.

They also were convinced that Bittel, the super developer and ruthless politico who hates Lago with every fiber of his being, was the man behind the 2021 smear campaign against him—a campaign that was eerily similar in both style and substance to the current recall effort.

So, which is it? Were they lying back then or are they lying now?

Or, did I miss something altogether? Was I asleep during the big Lago betrayal? Did he auction off the Biltmore, maybe? Did he sell the Alhambra water tower to Rishi Kapoor (never say that name three times in a row unless you wish to summon him) so he could turn it into an outpost for Chinese spies? What did the guy do to suddenly transform what was once deemed a vicious and financially motivated smear job into an altruistic campaign of truth and justice?

Who knows? I’m just an anonymous writer on the internet who keeps telling you things that prove to be true. Maybe we should ask one of those paid recall canvassers. They seem to have a really deep understanding of Coral Springs Park Grove Gables.

Indeed, all I can do is wonder—wonder whether there was ever really a Road to Damascus moment for Gables Insider and Political Cortadito, or if Lago simply stopped paying the pizzo.

I can only wonder if Ariel’s suddenly deciding that Lago was an existential threat to the community also had something to do with the fact that before he announced his run for city commission, Ariel went to Lago hat in hand to ask for his support and was told to pound sand.

And I can only wonder if KFC isn’t so much draining the swamp, but rather draining the moat—creating new opportunities and points of entry for previously stymied and sidelined actors with an axe to grind and a dollar to make to re-enter the fight and get Lago, their common enemy, out of the way.

There is one thing about which I don’t wonder, though: Stephen Bittel is rich, highly political, and extremely vindictive. He hasn’t abandoned his dream of transforming Miracle Mile, and he hasn’t forgotten who stands in his way. And that’s all this recall is about.

Lago Must Go, they say.

At least now you know why.

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I’ll be back soon with a final word on the recall…