Over the Target (and Under the Bus)
More on that shady phishing scam, plus rumor of the city manager's imminent departure.
Over the Target
There’s an old saying that dates back to WWII: “If you’re catching flak, you know you’re over the target.” It’s an adage that’s believed to have originated with allied bombing crews and based on the observation that anti-aircraft fire (flak) usually intensified as one approached a critical target. The principle proved so practical and reliable that crews often used it to confirm target locations when visibility was poor.
I bring this up because of the delightfully panicked email most of you received from KFC's long-dormant shock-troop brigade, aka the CGNA, shortly after I published my exposé on last month's suspiciously illegal response-tracking poll that someone mysteriously e-blasted to the entire city.
I've rather missed the CGNA, if I'm honest. There's something oddly comforting about their messaging—the chaotic formatting, the desperate sprinklings of ALL CAPS and bold text, the perpetually doom-laden tone. It kind of reminds me of my late uncle, God rest his soul, and those made-for-seniors chain emails he used to forward to the whole family. You know the type:
🚨 URGENT!!!! FACEBOOK PRIVACY NOTICE!!!! 🚨 Don't say I didn't warn you... As of TOMORROW Facebook will own ALL YOUR PERSONAL PHOTOS.... Copy and paste the text below EXACTLY or they will have LEGAL RIGHTS to everything!!! BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!!!!
Something tells me that deep within the bowels of Sue Kawalerski’s living room CGNA headquarters, there’s a VCR with 12:00 blinking in perpetuity and a floral print sofa wrapped in protective plastic. In any event, I’m just glad to learn that whoever lives there is apparently still breathing and not slowly decomposing on a shag carpet with 27 feral cats nibbling on their eyelids.
But I digress. The point is that the CGNA, much like Gables Insider, is a lot less prolific than they used to be. Maybe that’s because spinning for KFC is a Herculean task that would make even Goebbels think twice, or maybe it’s simply the fact that having to share the narrative is a lot less fun than monopolizing it. Either way, their forced emergence from hibernation to shriek "FAKE NEWS!!!!!!!" after the exposure of this phishing scam only confirms that yes, someone’s definitely over the target. And judging by the reaction, it's quite a sensitive target at that.
About that phishing scam: a couple of updates. First, within mere hours of my last post hitting your inboxes, December’s fake survey vanished into the digital ether. Quite something, isn’t it? A survey that had remained live and intact for well over a week suddenly gets yanked off the internet almost as soon as it’s exposed for using tracking links and other deceptive tactics. Coincidence? Unlikely. A tacit admission of guilt via a panicked attempt to destroy evidence? Almost certainly.
Second, while the mastermind behind this phishing scam remains technically unconfirmed, we can now confidently cross the CGNA off our already short list of suspects. In fact, I owe them a debt of gratitude: their recent email provided a perfectly timed sample of their handiwork, confirming my suspicion that they're committed Constant Contact devotees.
This detail matters because the phishing survey's tracking link contains a unique MailChimp identifier—a dead giveaway of its platform of origin. And as any marketing veteran knows, users rarely stray from their preferred platforms. Like Mac devotees who wouldn't dream of switching to PC, mass-marketing users tend to stick with what they know and the sender reputation they've built. It's virtually inconceivable that the technically inept CGNA would suddenly abandon their preferred platform to execute a relatively sophisticated phishing operation on unfamiliar terrain—one that was likely beyond their technical capabilities anyway.
No, we're hunting for a MailChimp user, and given the select few who blast emails to Coral Gables residents, our suspect pool is rather shallow. And speaking of loyal MailChimp customers:


Notice MailChimp’s signature list-manage.com url found in both Ariel’s and Gables Insider’s emails. Now recall the tracking links in the sham survey:
Look, if I were the betting type, I'd wager a considerable sum on Polymarket about who's behind People Count USA. That’s because I’m relying on much more than pure speculation, I'm working from a calculated deduction based not only on the public evidence I've shared, but on additional background information I can't yet disclose. While I'm pursuing absolute certainty backed by irrefutable evidence (which I believe to be obtainable), I'll refrain for now from naming our mysterious perpetrator directly. Instead, let's just call them something generic like John Doe, or, better yet, something totally random that has absolutely nothing to do with Coral Gables whatsoever, like...Ari. Ari L.
Under the Bus
Allow me to remind you, dear reader, of a certain spot of tea I spilled over these pages a couple of months ago:
It's also said that Amos, to his credit, has come to his senses and begun to acknowledge this himself. Although he has for months been telling employees and commissioners alike that he never expected to remain past April, he has reportedly been confiding to those closest to him that he wants out now, that he feels like he's in over his head, and that he never expected the job to be quite so difficult and stressful.
But here's the catch: they say he's unwilling to quit, at least as of today. Not because of pride or reputation, but because of the simple fact that if Amos walks on his own accord, he will not be entitled to the five months of additional pay—roughly $120,000—that he would otherwise receive if he were fired. Therefore, he is, for now, gritting his teeth and doing his best to hold on until April, all the while quietly hoping Kirk loses his reelection bid so he can both put an end to his own misery and collect a decent little severance check as he strolls out the door at 3 pm for one last time.
Once again, the grapevine prevails. Or so it would seem. You see, I have it on remarkably good authority that our city's fearless leader, Aimless Amos Rojas, will be departing the city at the end of February, with the official announcement likely to be made at next Tuesday's commission meeting. What's more, my sources tell me that KFC's plan is to name Alberto Parjus—deputy or assistant manager or whatever title they've bestowed upon him these days—as Amos’ permanent successor. Yes, you read that correctly: permanent. No search committee, no due diligence—just a swap-out of the city's chief executive like a Formula 1 pit crew changing tires.
Because forgoing any semblance of proper process worked so splendidly the first time around, amirite?
But really, this is shaping up to be a big story. Consider our current city manager: a man raking in $1,000 per day despite having no relevant experience and no discernible interest in acquiring any—even while on the job; who has done absolutely nothing to reform a city that we were told was so inept and corrupt that it needed nothing less than a former federal marshal to whip it into shape; whose only identifiable talent lies in his ability to do Ariel's bidding without blushing; who filed a false police report against the city's mayor; who has refused to meet with said mayor for six months; and who reportedly has spent a great deal of his time as city manager begging Katherine Fernandez Rundle's office for a job...is abandoning his post one measly year in. Moreover, and to pour salt on the wound, KFC, rather than learn from its past mistakes, is determined to eschew due diligence and common sense once again by filling the vacancy with as much effort as it takes to count to three.
Oh, and if any of you think all of this going down a mere 90 days before our city's elections—elections that could technically see a majority of the commission replaced—is anything other than coincidence, well then, my friends, you're nothing but a bunch of tinfoil-hat wearing conspiracy theorists. KFC would never deliberately engineer something so offensive and undemocratic as what is essentially a lame-duck appointment to the most important post in the city.
Truth be told, and as you can see from the quoted passage above, I expected Amos to hold on until April. I never thought Ariel would allow his crowning achievement to implode so spectacularly before the upcoming elections and during Kirk's campaign. Then again, I didn't see them bamboozling Kirk into political seppuku and clearing the path for Tom Wells—a man who KFC will try to position as a clean slate (yet who’s anything but). I suspect Ariel's calculus is that Wells can somehow dodge the fallout from the manager debacle (he shouldn’t) and emerge unscathed. If that's the case, better to shove Amos out the door while you still have the votes to install another pliant puppet.
It’s hard to say exactly who, but it sure feels like someone got thrown under the bus here.
And to think we're only scratching the surface. A story this rich in political intrigue and administrative incompetence demands a multi-part analysis, and I have a feeling I'll be compelled to write it soon enough. Will KFC employ tortured logic and creative accounting to justify Amos’ roughly $150K severance? Maybe. Will they try to blame Amos running for the hills on Lago’s being a pee pee poo poo head rather than on Amos’ obvious incompetence? Probably. There will be one hell of a post-mortem to perform.
But I buried this story below the fold, so to speak, for a reason. These are still rumors and speculation, however well-sourced they may be. We'll know soon enough if any of it is true.
While I'm confident in the broad strokes of what's coming, KFC has demonstrated an almost pathological compulsion to cut off their collective nose to spite their face. I wouldn't be surprised if they called an eleventh-hour audible just to prove the rumor mill wrong. But whatever that audible might be, I doubt it will fundamentally alter the trajectory. Come February, I’d expect to see an Amos-shaped hole in the side of City Hall. Good thing the construction crews are already on-site.
Upside of going with Parjus is the ability to eliminate the Deputy Manager position that had not existed until recently. Then the Commission raises can be offset by the elimination of an unnecessary position.