My CGNDA
Navigating the shame, sleaze, and scandal of Gables politics.
If there are any benefits to living in the age of ubiquitous political commentary, the speed with which controversies mature is surely one of them. Had “Raisegate” occurred only a decade ago, it would have taken at least a few weeks for it to thoroughly navigate the old-school Gables grapevine. But now, in the year of our Lord, 2023, we have the luxury of watching scandals grow from caterpillar to butterfly in the blink of an eye. It’s how we’ve managed, in a few short weeks, to move well past the revelation and explanation phases of the salary debacle and arrive at what is usually the last and most amusing one, the partisan-demonization phase. Naturally, it’s the CGNA that takes center stage here with their latest example of decidedly on-brand drollery.
Per their most breathless e-blast yet, the real villain here is Vince Lago. Wouldn’t you know it, that sly fox managed to trick Ariel, Melissa, and Kirk into cooking up a preposterous pay increase for themselves, conned them into having the manager place it in the budget, and duped them into voting for it not once, but twice. And while no mention is made of the new Mercedes Kirk is allegedly tootling around in (between it and Melissa’s Maserati the commission parking lot at city hall is looking a lot like The Collection these days), we should assume it was Rhonda Anderson who made him blow his living wage on it. We must assume this, you see, because according to Sue Kawalerski, it was all a SETUP!!!
Yeah, well so is To Catch a Predator. Now imagine watching an episode of that and coming away thinking Chris Hansen was the problem and not, you know, all the pedophiles.
Anyway, that’s not the point. Of course it wasn’t a setup. Lago’s clever, but I’m not quite sure either psychokinesis or demonic possession are within his skillset, and this effort to deflect blame toward him and Anderson has a distinct your-face-got-in-the-way-of-my-fist quality to it. The point is that this is a patently absurd claim made by an organization for whom patent absurdity is increasingly becoming its stock-in-trade, which leads me to think that maybe scandals aren’t the only phenomena experiencing accelerated lifecycles these days.
Grieve not that I die young
For such a relatively young organization, one that was on top of the world just six months ago, the CGNA is looking awfully worse for wear. Its bustling WhatsApp chat, which not long ago brimmed with all the swagger of an NFL locker room, just got mothballed by the admins after a few residents made the mistake of thinking for themselves (kudos to the creators of the new and more tolerant version); the triumphantly resurrected Gables Insider, once the Gray Lady of the CGNA constituency, is now looked upon as a poorly translated version of Pravda by all but the most gullible of its old readership; and the CGNA newsletter, which is about as credible as an email from a Nigerian prince, has gone off the rails so aggressively that it now functions mainly as an anti-CGNA red pill.
None of this is unusual, per se. Just about every grassroots political movement that manages to get off the ground eventually suffers the same fate, because they almost invariably allow the pursuit of power to become the end rather than the means. What’s striking about the CGNA’s unmistakable downtrend is its suddenness; how quickly it shifted from upswing to dénouement. It’s as if it skipped over the gradual attrition phase of its decline and plunged straight into angry abandonment. Some of the residents leaving the organization aren’t just walking away, they’re running for the hills with ugly stories to tell.
Not my bag
We’ve finally reached the point where the title of this post will begin to make sense. As I’ve mentioned before, I regularly receive reader emails, the majority of which are either messages of support or inquiries into my real identity. I also get quite a few people wanting to know when the second Melissa Castro post is coming (the answer is always “eventually”). But every so often I’ll get an email that contains what you could charitably call a “tip,” although “gossip” is probably more appropriate, and they come from individuals who seem to think I should be penning seedy hit pieces about their enemies. Mind you, I’ve gotten tips aimed at both sides of the aisle, but lately most seem to be coming from supposed CGNA defectors who claim to have dirt on the organization’s top brass. So, with that, I’d like to make a couple of things clear. Consider this my NDA with the CGNA:
I clearly don’t care for the current CGNA, but no matter how poorly its leadership behaves publicly, I am not interested in “stories” about someone’s private or family life. The same thing goes for similar stories about “the establishment.” Do not shop them to me. I won’t write them.
I am happy to look at information that is relevant to the public interest. That said, I am not an investigative journalist, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Real journalism is serious work, it’s a legitimate craft. If others want to dabble in journalistic cosplay, good for them, but I won’t. So, if you’re looking to me to follow a labyrinth of leads, you’ve come to the wrong place. Either do it for me (and show your work) or send it to the Miami Herald.
A thick plume of smoke
Speaking of real journalism, I have a strong suspicion we’ll be seeing much more of that soon, as occasionally someone will whisper news of an indiscretion in my ear that is anything but irrelevant.
Take what happened last week, when someone claiming to be a resident sent me a batch of public records pertaining to a series of real estate transactions involving a current member of the city commission. These records were said to contain what the sender characterized as “significant red flags” with respect to said real estate transactions. The sender appears to possess considerable domain expertise in real estate law. Having reviewed the records myself, I am inclined to agree with the sender. The records evince conduct that is highly unethical, if not unlawful. To be clear, I’m not an expert, but what I have seen suggests a degree of impropriety that will lead to immense political hardship for an elected official who I have long admired and respected. Frankly, it could lead to worse.
Hopefully you know by now that I try not to engage in sensationalism, and I’d be happy to learn that my instincts were wrong on this one. But I just don’t know how to square the very suspicious circles I’ve seen, as, if for no other reason, it’s all too esoteric for me. This matter needs to be properly investigated, which is why I recommended it be sent to the Miami Herald, who despite some questionable coverage in recent years still has a few reporters that are capable of first-rate journalism. Considering the awfully broad net the Herald’s been casting at certain elected officials lately, it’s difficult to imagine them ignoring this story.
I can tell you this, even if there isn’t a there there, even if the conduct around these transactions is technically above board, I don’t think the community is going to like it. It reeks of greed and hypocrisy and a level of disingenuousness that leaves me feeling as though I’ve been fully Keyser Sozed by someone I liked and voted for—someone a lot of us voted for. And while I’d rather let the professionals run point on this, I’m not about to let it get dropped in the memory hole either.
I’m done getting bamboozled by these people. I suspect you are, too.
Such a pleasure to read your take.
Who are the writers of your articles???