Drive-Thru Government
Say what you want about KFC, but give them credit for taking their eponym to heart. Thanks to their highly efficient new approach to governance, decisions that for the other 19,000+ American cities usually prove difficult, weighty, and time-consuming are for Coral Gables as simple and effortless as ordering a bucket of chicken from the drive-thru. Just pull your Maserati up to the kiosk and call out your order: Hi there, I’ll take a new city manager and a mayoral censure. Oh, and go ahead and throw in a 101% salary increase with that. Yes, the family size. You can put the car allowance on the side. What’s that? Would I like to add any public input? Umm, no, not today—I’m trying to cut back on that. Yup, that’ll be all. Thanks!
What’s more, KFC is bad for one’s health—one’s mental health, that is. Just as a blast of salt or sugar can shock the body, a barrage of depravity and lunacy can do great damage to the psyche. Usually, we are only asked to ingest relatively small doses of KFC at a time. But, at this last commission meeting we were served a full 62 minutes of mind-melting stupidity in just one item, and it may have done a few people in. If at any time last Tuesday evening you happened across a resident lying on the sidewalk convulsing, foaming at the mouth, and sputtering “recall, recall, recall…” that was probably me. After all, thanks to this newsletter, I do not have the luxury of looking away whenever KFC is in action, and so I feel as though I am particularly vulnerable to their toxicity.
We’ve changed our menu!
One thing is for sure: pound for pound, I have some of the best and brightest readers on Substack. Last week, I posted a clip that was over an hour long and, sure enough, most of you watched it. That speaks volumes, and it means a lot of the heavy lifting has been done. The utter preposterousness of what went down at the last commission meeting really does speak for itself, and even if it did not, the mayor and vice mayor did a commendable job of calling it out from the dais (not to mention the faces of the employees in the background—a look, like a picture, really is worth a thousand words).
I have been meaning to play with a shorter format for a while. If ever there were a time for self-imposed constraint, it is surely now. Left to my own devices, 62 minutes of KFC being KFC is liable to result in a 9-part, 30,000 word treatise that you would not want to read any more than I would want to write.
So, I am going to do things a bit differently on this one. Between now and next week’s commission meeting, I will post a series of short posts. Relatively brief sketches on a set of questions that I think deserve special attention, questions such as:
Why was the appointment of a new manager such a surprise?
Why was his appointment such a rush job?
How did KFC organize this operation?
What is the meaning of this new cesspool-of-corruption angle?
Think of this approach as a series of light courses in lieu of a heavy meal. Or, to stick with the metaphor, the equivalent of those little three-bite KFC snackers in lieu of the 12-piece bucket you are normally served.
Hopefully, these upcoming posts, while less time-consuming, prove just as informative and thought-provoking as any. After all, there’s nothing wrong with a little fast food for thought every once in a while.
The cesspool of corruption angle is definitely worth looking into, that may have been their justification for ramming thru a new CM with a law enforcement background. Makes me think they’ll now charge this individual with taking down more of the “establishment”. My guess is we’ll just get treated to more of this witch-hunt now that they’ve crossed the Rubicon.
You could replace Ariel with any Banana Republic dictator, and we will get the same outcome. Personal enrichment, banning or firing of opposition, cronies appointed to key positions. And yes, all done in the name of a higher purpose.